Nipple traveling through foreign territories. A series of reports indicate the teat has been migrating southward day in and day out. Sources suspect the migrant may be lost and wandering aimlessly over the the Great Flesh Plains. Many of the nipple’s friends and neighbors have been cooperating with authorities in hopes of determining what may be the nipple’s motives for quitting bodily duties and leaving post. As many reiterate tonight, the implications of a body part vacating its premises may be very hazardous to the body’s function as a whole.
Speaking with Snooze News is the astray nipple’s next pore neighbor, Chest Haggard, a long, dark chest hair. He shares with us what it is that he thinks may be the reason for the nipple’s bewildering hiatus from the Pectoral Mount region.
Chest Haggard: “Uh, yeah. Nippolas, known the guy for a long time. I think I knows why he took off like that. Let me put this gently. You see, as we body parts are approaching adulthood, every single one of us comes to discover our true function. Of course there were some late bloomers among us, but none so late as Nippolas. I’d been noticin lately that he’s been a little on edge. You know, like, he’s been putting up this hard exterior. Maybe he’s just taking a vacation to do a little soul searching, but I got a feelin that he caught wind of what some of the earwax chicks up north was saying about him. They was sayin that Nippolas had no function. No purpose. No meaning in his life. What’s a pointless nipple gonna do? I doubt I’d stick around eitha”